It’s me or you, pal. And just for the record, I never lose.

Just to prove that I’m not exaggerating about the mutha sucka (the trainee who sucks his teeth CONSTANTLY), here’s an IM conversation with a co-worker today. She has to sit right beside him, and she hasn’t killed him… yet. She must have some good drugs. I need to find out.

Coworker says: Is M deaf or oblivious? (our other co-worker, who is a guy, doesn’t seem to notice the sucking sounds)
ME says: yes, but mostly oblivious. his book is so good he’s lost his hearing. (MS sucking teeth – really long and loud) wow… it never stops. i quit. you can tell bossman why.
CW says: I know , I know….. you and I need to move or he needs to move…..over by J
ME says: oh… em… gee! (he just sucked a diddy through his teeth) no, he needs to move OUT!!
CW says: (sending a pretend email from boss) It has come to my attention that there may be some issues with distracting bodily noises while on the floor. Please be aware of your surroundings and any body sounds whether conscious or not and be considerate of your teammates
ME says: I’m sending it to boss to use as a template. (another LONG, LOUD sucking noise – followed by several more in a row) REALLY?!? every 5 seconds now???
CW says: He just finished some choc and peanut butter, he has stuff stuck maybe it will get better in a min
ME says: that could take a while… peanut butter is tricky. OMG… i miss peanut butter
CW says: especially that kind in butterfinger
ME says: now i have a reason to hate him. well, another reason.
CW says: maybe I will sit over here and eat and smack really loud and he’ll hear me and say something and I’ll be like OMG how could you hear that with that chipmunk slurping sound you have goin on. omg or better yet let’s all start making the same sound and maybe he’ll get annoyed
ME says: i seriously tried that the other night. every time he made the sound, i did, too. he never noticed. or if he did, he didn’t care.
CW says: omg, you so did not! maybe he has a pet cricket in his pocket
ME says: so, i should kick him there?
CW says: that would be better than sitting in his lap and all
ME says: ewwww…

And now… NOW, not only is he making the teeth sucking sound… he’s added snorting! You know? That sound when someone is sucking all the snot out of their nose so they can spit it out? UGH!

I seriously need some tranquilizers. And not for me.

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One Response to It’s me or you, pal. And just for the record, I never lose.

  1. robinaltman says:

    I’m sure that if I worked in close proximity to other humans, their quirky gross little noises would lead me to bludgeon them all to death. Lucky I’m alone. Lucky for others. (We haven’t even discussed MY noises…)

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