The end of the world as we know it. But probably not really.

You know that doomsday bunker you’ve been thinking about buying? Well, maybe you should take some time and rethink that purchase. Just because someone on the MPR told you the world was gonna end don’t make it so, hoss.

What if the Mayans were like burned-out bloggers? They invented this kick-ass calendar widget, and then nobody was carving witty, clever remarks into the comment section of their rockin’ (snort) blog so the guys who figured all that cool shit out decided to go on a hiatus, right? And their arms were so tired of the time and energy and muscle it took to publish anything on their blog that they just made a verbal announcement instead of engraving it in stone. So, like, there was no “written” record of why they stopped blogging, see?

And then – BOOM! – something catastrophic happened to their civilization. I will now present you with the most likely catastrophes.

  • They lost all their pointy tools.
  • They ran out of rocks.
  • Enemy spears + Mayan Flesh + Stabbing = Bloody Dead.
  • Uber-plague!
  • So with all of the killing and dying and lack of pointy things and rocks, the Mayan bloggers were wiped out before they could make their most awesome return to the ancient, stony, blogiverse (which, if it had happened, would have been met with Xena-like war cries from all of the nekkid womens). So they never got to update their superior and completely accurate calendar widget. Hence, no more dates.

    So, just say NO to doomsday bunkers. And even if you don’t trust my completely excellent and perfectly sound theory of how the ancient Mayan civilization ended, think about this: Do you seriously believe a concrete bunker the size of Wal-Mart could stop the apocalypse if it truly arrives? Do you? Really?


    2 Responses to The end of the world as we know it. But probably not really.

    1. robinaltman says:

      I just want a little warning if the world is going to end, so I can eat a lot of cheesecake. Is that too much to ask?

    2. I completely agree. They have to give us time for cheesecake.

      And sex.

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