Do you ever have one of those waking daydreams in which you experience something so real that it affects you emotionally but it’s all in your head?
I just had one of those. I lived through an entire imaginary conference call in which
some douche someone was explaining a particular work flow with which my group is unfamiliar. When I asked a question on their process, the fucktarded assratchet gentleman answered me in an obviously snarky tone, which, nautually, set me off. I told him I was on the fucking call to learn his way of doing business – since he and his people had touted how much more efficient and awesome they were compared to us “ignant” Americans – and that I would really appreciate a less condescending tone. He snorted at me, and shut up. But then, THEN, my director decided to put his two cents in and went off on ME! He told me I should have more respect for jackasses someone who was trying to teach me something, and then told me to apologize! I told him to fuck off. I said, “Good luck with your business now that you don’t have anyone to train your new monkeys, you assfaced dickhead! I quit!” And then I grabbed a box, packed up my desk, and stormed out of the building giving everyone the one-fingered salute in the process. The minions were clapping and cheering and throwing papers in the air as they joined my revolt against corporate asshats everywhere.
And then my phone rang, ruining a perfectly awesome mutiny.
It took me longer to type this out than it did to live it in my head. And I’m still mad as hell at that imaginary jerk. Not to mention my director! Unfortunately for him he’s real. And he’s here. And I’m in an arse-whuppin’ mood.