Campy Calling

Dear American Idol,

I just wanted to thank you for introducing me to the creamy, dreamy, gay hotness that is Adam Lambert. I would totally be his fag hag, and in fact, that’s the primary reason for my letter to you. Is there an application process for obtaining this position? If so, please email the appropriate forms to the provided address. I really think I would be the best candidate for this vocation, and to tell you the truth, after watching Adam shake it on stage, I feel it is my calling in life.

This is a beautiful man.  Laws yes.

This is a beautiful man. Laws yes.

I have a great amount of experience in this line of work as I have many adoring homo friends who clamor relentlessly to be my beyotch, which generally ends in a cat fight in a bar parking lot with me either cackling or crying on the sidewalk. They’ve all done so much for me (shopping, hair, karaoke, shopping, gay cabaret, mani/pedi, shopping), I feel it’s time I gave back to them, and I truly believe serving as Adam’s fag hag is the only answer.

I’m fully prepared to take up this occupation immediately and with feather boas streaming in my wake. I’m well-versed in the lingo, and I think gay porn is hot, which puts me well ahead of the game.

Look at those fucking beautiful eyes! Gah!

Look at those fucking beautiful eyes! Gah!

One question: Would this role call for me to be a top or bottom or would I just watch?

With campy regards and hot frankness,


P.S. Please hasten your response. I’m slowly being melted into a puddle of sticky goo by His Gay Hotness’s eyes. Gurgle.

(I adore him! Don’t judge me!)


7 Responses to Campy Calling

  1. Jay says:

    I think the only requirement is that you be a hot mess who is somehow incapable of finding true love, in part because she is secretly pining over her gay best friend. So basically you’re a shoe-in.

  2. kyknoord: Pffffbbbth!

    Jay: All true, except for the pining! None of my gaymos are as pretty as Adam. Sigh.

  3. Anja says:

    Shit, that’s hot.

  4. Good luck, darlin’ but I already applied. You don’t stand a chance compared to my extraordinary dedication and willingness to spoil this beautiful man completely, top to bottom no preference whatsoever. And as for watching, I have a new digital camera so I’m prepared for anything.

    Truthfully, my friend Kel told me I had to get over here and read this blog because she knows Adam pushes every one of my hot buttons. OMG – those eyes – you could fall into them and just keep going…

    Great blog! Very funny and if you get the part, remember your friends. (and me too!)

  5. Anja: Yes. Yes, he is.

    Kayelle: Back off, you brazen hussy! You betta get that new camera out ’cause I feel a cat fight comin’ on! (But if you happen to beat my arse… and if you get MY job… remember me fondly.) 😉

  6. Tomorrow’s my birthday. Couldn’t I just have him for a day or so? I promise to give him back. Eventually. *grins*

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