Let’s Hug

I’m pleased to say, the “crud” has nearly been defeated. It was an uphill battle for a while, but those spongy organs lodged in my thorax finally rallied to the cause and evicted Mucus and his minions from my respiratory system. That’s right, my babies. Snotty McPhlegmerson has left the building. And good riddance! Here’s a lame haiku dedicated to the former rattle in my chest.

phlegm covered rattle
residing in heaving chest
not safe for children

Snotty McPhlegmerson

Snotty McPhlegmerson

While I was convalescing, I met someone. I’m not usually into hairy dudes, but this guy makes me laugh, and he loves to feed me, so he was kinda hard to resist. I swear, Weight Watchers, I really tried, but Hungry won me over with his charm… and pizza and hot dogs and ice cream and cookies and cake. It’s a good thing he doesn’t mind when I’m bloated and gassy, because I washed all that shit down with a 12 pack of suds (buuuuurp). Hungry didn’t judge me. He just gave me a high-five for holding my liquor, and not hurling the goodies he shoveled down my gullet. I love that about him. I’ve always dreamed of being involved with someone who can appreciate a little fluff on a gal. I think I’ve found Mr. Right.

He's just so huggable.

He's just so huggable.


10 Responses to Let’s Hug

  1. kyknoord says:

    Hang on, hugs are all very well, but where’s his mouth?

  2. Crap. You’ve got a point. I may have to rethink this relationship.

  3. Jay says:

    I’m pretty sure a mouth isn’t required for a partner that can insert his body inside you.

  4. Chris says:

    I think what Jay is trying to say is that he’s glad you’re feeling better. So am I.

  5. Ginny says:

    I have a feeling that the Weight Watchers people want me to feel bad. But how can I feel bad when you show me such an adorable little mascot?

  6. Jay: That’s hot. I think.

    Chris: Thank you!

    Ginny: I know, right! Making Hungry so cute was really not a smart marketing campaign in my opinion.

  7. Anja says:

    Is he anatomically correct under all that hair?

  8. trishatruly says:

    HA!!! “Snotty McPhlegmerson “!!
    I’m adding that to the names of unwanted guests in my home along with Aunt Flo (ancient history), Pissy Pants, and Grumpy Gus!

    As for Hungry.. well he has big hands, and you know what they say about big hands on a guy…! I’m with Anja. Didja look under all that fur yet???

  9. cynical says:

    Now if Hungry looked more like Mr. Mucus, well … I think there could be a new, thin revolution.

  10. Anja: That’s a good question. Stop finding fault with my new boyfriend! 😉

    trisha: big hands… large gloves? 😉

    cynical: I hadn’t thought of that! Brilliant!

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