Move it on over

So I go in to work today and my boss is chompin’ at the bit for us to have a meeting pronto. Hey, it gets me away from the minions and their dumb questions so I’m all for it. He finds an empty conference room and immediately starts in about the “move.” The “move” (for those of you who don’t know it) refers to our entire department (along with almost the entire facility in which I work) moving to another state. So he’s finally giving me a timeline, and it’s May.

May. That’s three months away. And the tightwad boobs are not going to offer relocation packages to anyone below a certain pay grade. I’m most likely below the pay grade, so if I do decide to stay in my current position, I’ll have to cover my own moving expenses. When I told him I couldn’t afford the move without the company covering moving expenses, he just shook his head. He also made some reference that anyone who didn’t want to move would most likely be “let go.” Let go? Hah! I know no one is irreplaceable, but I’m damn close! Fuck that. I know he wasn’t directing the comment toward me (we were discussing the minions at the time), but I couldn’t help but take it personally.

Needless to say, I’m livid.

On the upside, the penny-pinching dickheads can’t afford to lose tenured people right now. The entire department would fail. Of this, I have no doubt. If they follow through with the threat of dismissal, they will be one sorry lot. Not a one of them knows how to do the job. My minions and I are a well-oiled machine. The only thing management provides is the bullshit to fertilize new business growth. And, to tell you the truth, they really need to add some fiber to their diet.

Oh. And if the day wasn’t bad enough already, these asshats called me again just as I was about to leave work. I had to stay 30 minutes late dealing with their ineffectual insinuations. In addition to their other incompetencies they apparently can’t read, because my letter clearly demanded that they lose my number.

So I’m looking for a good job. Hire me?

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4 Responses to Move it on over

  1. Wolfie says:

    But what is it…that you DO here?

  2. Jay says:

    I have a few positions available, but sadly your lack of a properly functioning sphincter makes you unqualified for them all.

  3. Wolfie says:

    You’re going to have to come in on Saturday…yah…and Sunday too

  4. Wolfie: You know me IRL (sort of), so you know what I do (sort of). And I already work on Sundays. You can’t take my Saturdays!

    Jay: What if I purchase a butt plug?

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