I’ve decided that my resolution for this year is to get laid. At least once.
Unfortunately, my resolve is to be delayed by my best friend who has nothing better to do (because her life revolves around me and without me she is nothing) than invade my loveshack home with her hooker boots and honkey-tonk badonkadonk and force me to drink alcohol until I pass out rather than allow me to ply my jugs wares on some unsuspecting manwhore.
When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your best friend’s eyes. That way, she won’t see when you steal her hooker boots to aid you in your whoring quest for manflesh.
Since I won’t be gittin’ the real thang, here’s a haiku for BOB. That’s Battery Operated Boyfriend, for those of you who actually remember what sex with a living person is like.
you never complain
or roll over and pass out
sure wish you could cook
Happy New Year, cheeky monkeys!!