It’s one of my pet peeves. Talking on your cell phone when you’re in the toilet. How is this a good time to chat with your girlfriends about the barbeque coming up this weekend? Do you really want a soundtrack of farts and splashes while you’re trying to make up with your “boo”? And since when is it cool to talk about your date with a manwhore when commodes are whooshing in the background? Well, maybe that last one’s okay, depending on how the date went… but I don’t want to fucking hear about it when I’m taking a piss!
The ones that really rile me up are the drama queens who stare at themselves in the mirror the whole time they’re talking on the phone, just to practice their “nu-uh!” face or their “I can’t believe that ho!” face – and it would be remiss of me not to mention the head-weaving and arm-flailing that goes along with the faces. I usually practice my “please don’t make me kill again” face at these times. Mostly just so they’ll have to do overtime on their “crazy-eyed bitch in the bathroom with me” face.
Y’know, I’m not all about the etiquette. In fact, I’m more the opposite. But talking on the phone in the bathroom is just freakin’ weird to me – even though I know some of the more upscale hotels have phones in the crapper. Maybe it’s a wealthy fetish thing to flatulate in the middle of phone sex. Maybe I’m just one of the few people left in the world who thinks it’s rude to have diarrhea in someone elses ear.
All I’m saying is don’t call me from the john. If you do, expect to see me… in your bathroom mirror… watching you with my crazy bitch eyes.