In Accordance with the Prophecy

Someone sent me an email a while back called “Office Dares”.  This email has spurred a heated contest for supremacy between those of us working the shift secundus today.  Below are a few examples.

One Point Dares:

  • To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
  • Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
  • Walk sideways to the photocopier.
  • Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
  • Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.

Three Point Dares:

  • Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
  • Every time you get an email, shout ”email”.

Five Point Dares

  • Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
  • For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
  • Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
  • Call someone in the office, when they answer, say “I really can’t talk right now I am very busy.”
  • After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
  • At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
  • As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

I’ve done every single one of these dares today, except the one about leaving your fly unzipped – mostly because I was skeptical about my undies matching my outies.  Surely, I will be the office champion!  If for some reason I’m not the champion, I’ll destroy fire any minions ahead of me, thereby earning my victory via proxy… in accordance with the prophecy.

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