Happy Birthday, old woman! (Mom’s birthday was Monday)
I didn’t belch, fart, or make out with anyone during an important presentation I gave this morning, so it was considered an unparalleled success. Some of the onlookers even shook my hand and told me how fantastic my performance was after the show. And I didn’t even have to take my clothes off.
I got a free lunch afterward (a raise would’ve been better). Wrote a haiku about the crusty hand that almost ruined my meal.
flaky fries are bad
crust on bread is even worse
butter that thing, man
I feel kinda gassy.